Annoying Twitter Habits That Make Me Want to Drop a Fish Tank On Your Head Pt. 1

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When used correctly, Twitter can be funny, informative and interesting. It could save your car from being towed with Twitter updates about snow plow routes, it could keep you informed about specials at your local restaurant or store, or it could brighten up your day with a witty comment by your favorite comedian. But it can also be used incorrectly—annoyingly so, to the point where I want to drop a large fish tank on your head. Here is a list of annoying Twitter habits.

Back-to-back updates:

One of the most annoying habits for many Twitter users is when they make updates one right after another. Many stores, magazines and blogs are the worst culprits of this, often cramming in a days worth of Twitter updates to stories, news, or deals, into 10 minutes, with your Twitter stream crammed with their updates. I don’t want to see a huge block of Twitter updates from one user on my phone or computer. If you can’t find any other time during the day to make your updates, use one of the handy automatic Twitter updating programs which will automatically post your updates from a queue that you set up with messages. This way you don’t have to constantly be at your computer to make the updates, but you also don’t have to flood my wall with 20 posts in 10 minutes.

Excessive cleverness:

Professional and amateur critics, I’m talking to you. Music bloggers, movie critics, pop culture comedians, I know you might think you are super funny and clever, but most of the time you aren’t. Most of the time if you are trying really hard to be funny and clever, it comes off as narcissistic and sad. A clever joke should be effortless so if you have to think twice about if your remark is funny or not, it probably isn’t, so don’t post it. The fact that I can picture you sitting there starring at your Twitter wall, waiting for responses to what you perceive as a hilariously insightful and clever comment about “Avatar” or Britney Murphy makes me want to punch you in the face.

Using Twitter only to link to yourself:

Writers, artists, celebrities, I know you are obsessed with yourself and you want everyone else to be obsessed with you so that you can become more famous and make more money and get that trophy wife model girlfriend and live in a house by the water with a butler and a swimming pool in the shape of your last name initial—whatever, that’s cool, but there are better ways to go about success than constantly whoring yourself out. When the only thing you make Twitter updates about is links to work you’ve done, movies you are in, or books you have written, it makes you look bad. It makes you look unapproachable, self-obsessed and sad. Use Twitter to occasionally talk about another artist or writer you respect; link to a person from the past who has influenced you; talk about events that don’t involve you—it’s really not that hard and it will make you look much more normal, pleasant and most of all, human.

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